In the morning we built the city
In the afternoon walked through its streets
Evening saw us leaving

We wandered through our days as if they would never end
All of us imagined we had endless time to spend
We hardly saw the crossroads and small attention gave
To landmarks on the journey from the cradle to the grave
Cradle to the grave, cradle to the grave

Did you learn to dream in the morning?
Abandon dreams in the afternoon?
Wait without hope in the evening?

Did you stand there in the traces and let 'em feed you lies?
Did you trail along behind them wearing blinkers on your eyes?
Did you kiss the foot that kicked you, did you thank them for
Their scorn?
Did you ask for their forgiveness for the act of being born
Act of being born, act of being born?

Did you alter the face of the city?
Make any change in the world you found?
Or did you observe all the warnings?

Did you read the trespass notices, did you keep off the grass?
Did you shuffle up the pavements just to let your betters pass?
Did you learn to keep your mouth shut, were you seen but never heard?
Did you learn to be obedient and jump to at a word
Jump to at a word, jump to at a word?

Did you demand any answers?
The who and the what and the reason why?
Did you ever question the setup?

Did you stand aside and let 'em choose while you took second best?
Did you let 'em skim the cream off and give to you the rest?
Did you settle for the shoddy and did you think it right
To let 'em rob you right and left and never make a fight
Never make a fight, never make a fight?

What did you learn in the morning?
How much did you know in the afternoon?
Were you content in the evening?

Did they teach you how to question when you were at the school?
Did the factory help you, were you the maker or the tool?
Did the place where you were living enrich your life and then
Did you reach some understanding of all your fellow men
All your fellow men, all your fellow men?
- T. Duggins, The Ballad of Accounting

Ugh. I'm feeling the ugh right now.
I should be sleeping. I have work at 8 tomorrow morning. But I'm on the internet. I sense a pattern here. I'm so fucking sick of my attitude. I can't convince myself that anything is worth doing. Even the things I find fun are boring to me. And don't get me started on the people. All I want to do is go up to a cave with my iPod and be away from everything and everyone because I'm so fed up with everything right now. I don't even know why. I'd go for a walk, but hey, what's the fucking point. I wouldn't get anywhere and my legs are tired from work. I hate that I'm thinking this way but I can't find a point to anything. Why should I apply myself to school? To get into a good college? To get a good job? None of that seems real to me. I feel like life's just spiraling. I've wasted so much time, and now that I have none I'm becoming something else. I don't like it. Not one bit. You'd think the money would make up for it, but what good is being able to afford shit you don't have the time to use? And I can't quit my job because a) That would be a huge dick move to my boss and coworkers, b) It's good to have money, and c) I'm proud of myself for sticking to it, not that self-pride means more than money in the long run. I just wish that there were a few more hours in the day. I'm just waiting for something to break the Space Time Tedium. Maybe Christmas will do it right nice. I hope so. If not, at least I'll get to see my family and buy my friends some nice things with my mayo-stained Subway dollars.

Night.
/journal